failure blog
ventured to red rock canyon state park—one of my favourite parks in californa— to make an attempt at astrophotography. this was my first attempt at photographing the stars & it was mostly a big failure, but now I have a better idea of what to do for my next trip!
first & foremost I need to find a buddy to go out with me, because it is very dark out there at night & it’s a little disconcerting!
my poem-a-month newsletter went out last week. since the beginning of the climate fires here on the west coast I’ve been trying to write a poem about the weird light, the gritty air, & the scent of doom. mostly I’ve failed. I sent my latest attempt out in the newsletter. read it here & subscribe to get a poem & a poetic exercise in your inbox each month.
untitled fire poem
I want to write a poem about the fires
about the ash floating in the air
like the scent of summer jasmine.
the smokers teeth sky pressing low—
so much lower than I remember.
I want to write a poem about the burn
pressed into my eyes the rough sleeps
the feeling of fine sand in my throat.
I want to write it but the flames—
are never quite far enough away.
complete sentence, 2020
w i t c h, 2020
spent some time recently playing with a small LED light & my 35mm prime lens. I’ve had this lens for about a year, but haven’t had much chance to shoot with it. I’ve seen many cool images on instagram featuring this alphabet sequin/confetti look & thought I’d try out my own take. one thing I’ll say for sure: adding more intentional lighting makes a HUGE difference in the look & quality of the final image! this is something that all the photo blogs & youtubers say all the time, but it’s remarkable to see it in action. can’t wait to play more with lights!
check out more images from this series on my instagram or in the self-portraits gallery.
I went for a wander around one of my favourite places in claifornia—salton sea—a week or so ago. I have been experimenting with a wide angle lens (nikkor 10-24mm f3.5/4.5) with some interesting results. this day I unknowingly left the multiple exposure setting activated & ended up with a few cool double exposed images of the the sea & its surrounding area. love it when accidents help us find something interesting!
a hobby of mine recently has been finding used clothing on the local thrift store’s “dollar day” & altering it to conceal or work with its existing stains, tears, or general misshapenness. I’ve tie dyed designer tee shirts, bleach splattered men’s work jeans, & cut up blouses & button downs. there’s something I find fun in remaking a garment which would have otherwise reached the end of its life.
of course, this doesn’t always work. recently I found a discounted pack of plain black socks at a department store & thought they might be interesting if I were to bleach tie dye them. I brought them home, rolled & twisted & knotted them up with tiny rubber bands from the dollar store & dropped them in a bucket of bleach.
nothing happened.
I left them submerged for well over half an hour & yet the socks remained steadfastly black. not even a hint of variation in shade. I checked the materials—natural fibers, not colourfast—& double checked the expiration date on my bleach. no explanation to be found for why my boring black socks were still their original hue.
I think this is probably a lesson. a metaphor perhaps? sometimes even if all the conditions are right, the colour just won’t lift & there’s nothing much at all you can do about it. sometimes you can’t move the mountain.
note: this is the first in a new series I’ve decided to work on called “failure blog”. if you know me, you know I love & appreciate failure more than lots of people & also have some probably silly philosophical ideas about the act of failing. maybe that’s me just trying to make value from the fact that I’ve failed a hell of a lot over the course of my life (& will likely continue to do so), but I think there’s something to the act of failure. especially as a creative. so failure blog will exist for my ruminations on this stuff. for better or worse.
“There’s something good about being a failure—it keeps you going.”
journal:
“honestly, I’m not really sure what ‘failure’ even means anymore. what is the definition? is it just being broke, or bored, or whatever else? is it that you tried something & it didn’t work? & if that’s it, then isn’t that basically all life is anyway?
is it that you haven’t amounted to anything? I’m not sure what ‘amounted to’ means either. maybe I just don’t know what anything means.
maybe nothing means anything? maybe it’s all just symbols for nothing & we’ve made up definitions. that’s basically what language is at least.”
